Dresses

The dress

For years I hid under layers and dark clothing. Unfortunately for me I did not realize there was a whole new world out there, waiting for me to discover it. Wearing dresses has literally changed my life. I use to die of heat wearing capris and t shirts all summer long. While working in environments with no air conditioning, torturing myself because I lacked the confidence to try something new. I never had an issue wearing dresses to formal events, but to me, being a big girl was a big enough obstacle, adding extra attention to myself was not something I felt like subjecting myself too. Too many times had I been bold enough to wear something, felt stares on me, and scrapped the outfit… never to be worn again. So one day, I decided to try a casual every day dress on. It was a little tighter around my natural waistline and hit just above the knee. I looked at myself up and down in the mirror and was actually okay with what I saw. I could not believe how flattering it was. I thought for sure my lower belly would be highlighted in an outfit like this. This was not the case at all!! This dress hit me in all the right places. I marched up the check out and bought that damn dress, and every other colour in that style. The first time I attempted to the wear one of the dresses in public, I tried it on and quickly tore it off my body, threw it on the floor and decided nope, not for me. It took a while before I actually felt ballsy enough to wear it. While out for the first time wearing this dress, I didn’t notice any bad looks (none more than usual) or anyone who appeared to be making fun of me. I wasn’t hot, or feeling gross from being overheated. I had no need to wear anything but bra, panties, and a dress. It felt great to not be layered on a hot day.

               There are a few pros to wearing dresses as casual outfits. First and foremost, comfort. If it is the right material and the right cut for your body, they are as comfortable as wearing pj’s out. They are a complete outfit! You don’t need to put any thought into what you are wearing. One dress, is everything put together. Figure out your shoes and accessories and the rest is done. They are much cooler in the summer than any other outfit, except maybe a bathing suit. I cannot express how good I feel when wearing a dress. I really do feel if you find a flattering fit, and cut, you will feel like a million bucks. Which is so important. Us big girls have enough issues with body image and being down on ourselves. We deserve a break and being able to find something that looks just as good on thin people as it does on us.

               The only downfall to wearing dresses, and whether you admit this or not, but goddamn chaffing on your inner thighs. I have heard a variety of remedies from various sized women over the years. Here is a list of a few of the ways us ladies combat the terror that is chaffing.

-deodorant rubbed on at the beginning of the day, or any lotion, sunscreen

-Passion Party Body Dew works like magic. It slickens you up so it’s easier on your skin

-Baby powder, or anything in that family

-Wearing shorts, or even “man underwear” longer boxer briefs can help, and no panty lines

Hopefully this piece has inspired you to go out and at least try on a dress. Even if it takes you ages to have the guts to wear it, give it a shot. Give yourself a break, don’t always try to blend in, and be comfortable. Hopefully it will put a little spring in your step when you see how fabulous you look!

Just because it is made in your size does not mean you should wear it

I know I am all about people feeling good in what they are wearing. This, unfortunately, is a tough love piece. Yes, I am a size 20-22, and yes, sometimes I can squeeze my ass into an 18. Is this always a good idea? If I want to breathe, no. Aesthetically speaking, also a no. Just because I can squeeze into something, does not mean it is a good idea. God help the person who might be around when I bust out of my sausage casing!! I recently travelled to the UK, and US and was unexpectedly surprised by the various outfits on us Thick Madam’s that I saw. I saw this beautiful girl in a long maxi dress, lovely from the front, then bam… she turned to the side and there it was… a skin tight profile of a tummy issue. I get it, we can’t always hide our flaws, nor should we be overly concerned about it. However, if that lovely girl had simply purchased a size bigger, she would have looked incredible. I understand some people just want to fit into whatever size they can, but it is not the way.  Another side to this topic is wearing god awful clothing, just because it is made in my size. I recently went into Forever 21, which I happen to love their plus size clothing… for the most part. There was a skin tight mini dress with cut outs in a size 3x, which is my size. Once again, yes it is my size, but is this a good idea. Just because it is available for purchase and in my size, should I wear it?? Probably not. Unless maybe as a bedroom dress! I hate to be negative towards my people (big girls) but just cause you found it in your size, put the damn inappropriate garment down. I understand this is a very vague description of inappropriate, so I will list some possible inappropriate features:

Full open back all the way to the crack

Cut outs of any kind

Short dresses to the point your “Britney” is showing, or could show

Something so tight you can hardly breathe

If the skirt is so tight you need to pee every 5 minutes

If you resemble a packed tight sausage

The ripple effect: if it hugs every nook and roll all the way down, get it off, NOW

Sadly, these articles of clothing do exist. Although I love a girl with confidence, sometimes toning down that outfit choice is the only solution. Make smart choices, do not simply buy everything in your size because it is your size. Hang that garment back up in the store and keep on walking to the next item. Just like partners, there are plenty of fish in the sea, just keep looking and the right one will come along.

Le Bra

I cannot express the importance of having a good fitting bra. Everyone needs to be measured at least once. There is actually a pretty high statistic stating most women are wearing the wrong size. Walk around a mall for a few hours and you will see that it’s true. Back seepage is not very nice, and its unnecessary if you are wearing a band size that is actually your size. Cup spillage is not very tasteful either, perhaps you have “outgrown” your old cup size and need to upgrade. I understand that is it tremendously difficult to find undergarments in this country for big girls, but we do have two plus size stores that can accommodate our hefty chests. Penningtons and Addition Elle do carry some nice bras. I am a big fan of any big girl store that still allows me to dress like I’m an attractive female. Just because I’m bigger does not mean I don’t want to look and feel sexy. So I have bought pretty bras from both places, and I don’t think I’ve had any complaints about them so far… I wish I had more resources to share, however, La Senza and Victoria’s Secret are very limited in their size selection. If you can still fit into those stores, that’s great because there are so many more styles and they are much cheaper. If you are like me and have surpassed those stores, give the other two a shot. You would be pleasantly surprised at how good you will feel when your girls are sitting in a nice spot and in a bra that fits properly. 

Summer Time

Tis the season for big girls all over to begin stressing over summer clothes, bathing suits, beach outings, pool parties, last years’ summer clothes not fitting etc. There is something terribly stressful about the oncoming of summer for some people. That sweater you hid under all winter cannot be worn in 30 degree weather. It’s a time when you can’t get away with the usual tricks made convenient by the cooler weather. The loss of being able to conceal yourself. It can send some people into panic mode and into a crash diet regime to get rid of that winter bulge. I think every big girl out there has tried a fad/crash diet. Unfortunately the lesson has not been learned that when you do that, 99% of the time you gain it back, plus some extra friends. I am not going to start giving advice on diets, as I do not plan on dieting any time soon. I am just going to say that yes summer is a season where we are a bit more exposed than usual. My advice to you is to try to love yourself and your assets. Draw on what you find appealing about yourself. If you cannot think of anything, ask a friend what your best features are. I’m sure you have at least one or two! Take what you like about yourself and make that your feature, if it’s your chest, then accentuate your chest (while keeping it tasteful). I never used to like myself and always covered up in the summer. One summer I wore cardigans every day to cover myself up. Summer was torture that year. The only person who can make you feel better about yourself is you. Do not fish for compliments or rely on others to give you feedback. You have to do it yourself. You need to see that you aren’t as bad as you think, you are beautiful in your own way. The more you see it, the more you believe it, the more it will emanate from you. The way you carry yourself is a direct correlation on how you feel about yourself. Even if you start today and find something you like about yourself, it’s a small but good start. Maybe it’s your lips, eyes, legs etc. Just use it as a building block and keep going. Don’t let summer get to you, conquer it and have a good time, rather than always hiding yourself away. 

Leggings

I would first like to state that at no time are leggings to be considered pants, nor are they to replace proper attire worn on the bottom half of your body. Leggings are great, they are dark and stretch so who wouldn’t love them. However, they are no substitute for the real thing. When one wears leggings, please wear a top long enough to cover your bum/thighs. This goes for women of any shape or size. Even if you do look fantastic, it’s just much more tasteful to cover your ass. Also when purchasing leggings, please ensure that they are not see-thru when they are on your body. If you can see flesh through them, then you get back to the rack and grab a bigger size. I plan on writing about black clothing shortly, which will touch on black not always hiding everything. So keep that in mind. Just because those leggings are black it does not mean that any of your “troubles” are invisible. Dimples and “wobblies” are still visible. I don’t want this to be a negative rant, but it’s sad when I see a beautiful thick madam wearing leggings with a top that is just a touch too short. Had it been about 5 inches longer she would have looked like a knock out.

Moral of the story, you rock those leggings, but please be tasteful about it!

Size appropriate clothing

People need to understand that they are who they are whatever size that may be. If you have recently added a few extra “friends” you may need to re-evaluate your wardrobe. Wearing your size 11 jeans when you are now a size 15+ is not okay. You may think you can still fit into them, but the view from over here says you cannot. Muffin top is not only delicious, but it is extremely unflattering. Even on our skinny ladies of the world, muffin top is not okay. For those of you who do not know what muffin top is, I will explain. It is when you have packed yourself into a pair of pants that are too small for you and some pudge is spilling out over the top, thus creating the silhouette of a muffin top. Buy your pants so that they fit you, going a size bigger can make you look a size smaller. I am not saying buy baggy pants, just pants that fit. Another issue with smaller clothing especially with pants is having your legs look like sausages. They are squeezed into pants and every time you walk you look terrified you’re going to tear right out of them. Seeing a girl waddling in tight pants just because she is afraid of a higher number and what that will mean to her self esteem and confidence is just disheartening. Find out what size fits you most comfortably and try not to wear pants that are not your proper size just because you can squeeze into them. I get it, we have all been there where we do whatever we can to hold on to what used to be. It’s a human trait to hang on to things when we shouldn’t (unfortunately this is not a blog for ex boyfriends, another day perhaps). I find embracing who you are a much more effective way of moving on. It’s hard letting go, but please put down the jeans that just don’t fit anymore. You will feel much better once you wear clothes you aren’t afraid to tear in half and fit you properly.

The Essential Start Point

The Tank Top

I felt this was the best place to start because to me, it is the most vital part. This is an essential to any big girls life, and to any girl’s life in general. Keeping with the theme we will stick to the thick madams. It's not really all that appealing when us ladies don't look somewhat put together, or all jiggly in a tight shirt. If you simply invest in a good or a few good tank tops it almost solves the issue. Your instructions are not to buy a tank top that will sausage you in, but will simply smooth out the lines. It just holds everything in place so that a shirt will fit nicely on top without hugging every single unflattering lump or bump. You want to enhance your beauty not show off the parts that we would likely not want shown off. Tank tops just help this out, not too tight or too loose and its perfect for under EVERY single shirt. It will help everyone out whether you are wearing a tee-shirt or a sexy little bar number. You can find good tank tops almost anywhere. I usually buy a size smaller than my regular shirt size, so it is more fitted. I have a variety of colours, so I never have to worry about matching. I also have different styles, like the lacy ones, or a couple of strapless ones. I truly feel so much better when I have a little tank top underneath whatever I am wearing. Please go and buy one now!! It really is an essential.